It's the End of the World As We Know It...

Disclaimer: Sorry for all of you racist crazies out there, this is not a blog about our black president. This is a much deeper threat. Something that terrifies my soul and chills my bones. No I am not talking about the economy, I have no fear of losing my job and North Korea is not near as terrifying as what I discovered this evening.

The news is this: Lauren Conrad, or LC to you Hills fans, has published a book. Grab the children and run for the hills (pun completely intended). Hell has frozen over and the world is slowly making its way into Purgatory. I repeat, Lauren Conrad has published a book. This knowledge begs me to ask the question; what the fuck is wrong with this world? How did the producers of this show get these non-celebs to brainwash half of America?

Do you want to know what the greatest part of this story is? We have all read, watched or heard this book before. Because the book is exactly the same as every episodes of the Hills. Here is what the publisher has to say:

Los Angeles is all about the sweet life: hot clubs, cute guys, designer . . . everything. Nineteen-year-old Jane Roberts can't wait to start living it up. She may be in L.A. for an internship, but Jane plans to play as hard as she works, and has enlisted her BFF Scarlett to join in the fun.

When Jane and Scarlett are approached by a producer who wants them to be on his new series, a "reality version of Sex and the City," they can hardly believe their luck. Their own show? Yes, please!

Soon Jane is TV's hottest star. Fame brings more than she ever imagined possible for a girl from Santa Barbara -- free designer clothes, the choicest tables at the most exclusive clubs, invites to Hollywood premieres -- and she's lapping up the VIP treatment with her eclectic entourage of new pals. But those same friends who are always up for a wild night are also out for a piece of Jane's spotlight.

In a city filled with people chasing after their dreams, it's not long before Jane wakes up to the reality that everyone wants something from her, and nothing is what it seems to be.

L.A. Candy is a deliciously entertaining novel about what it's like to come of age in Hollywood while starring in a reality TV show, written by a girl who has experienced it all firsthand: Lauren Conrad.

Uhhhh... so basically, like the producers of the show just like, took the show and like made a book about it and like changed the names, and then they like just put LC's name on the book, so like people would like buy it and stuff.

Holy Fucking SHIT! Are you serious right now? Please Lauren, share with America how hard the last few years have been for you. Please tell us how difficult it was to read a script (oops I said the forbidden "s" word! I am doomed now!) and "pretend" to be spoiled, snotty and stupid (more "s" words!). In an interview with Barnes&Noble.com, Lauren said it is important to "write what you know". So what exactly do you know? How to sign you name to a book deal that was already written for you? You know what's even better news? This is just book one in a series! Woo-hoo! Can anyone say 4 horseman of the Apocalypse?

So here she is mom's. Your daughter's new role model (not only is she hot, but she can read and write too!) and your sexual suppressed husbands new fantasy.

Are we like going to the book signing?